seems to me the truth isn't that hard to find. it's hanging from the trees, blooming blossoming, soon dropping to the ground. it's biting into a granny smith apple. it's three hawks fast swooping sideways past my door a few mornings ago, flashing me their bellies. it's the quiet of all the other birds, silent until the hawks are gone, then bursting into the sky as a flock of cardinals.
stop looking for the truth and just look.
february has been a small month of small sentences and thoughts.
i manage to write a line or two each day.
from the first day: it has just turned february, the month when the days can't decide what to do. an in betweener for us - a fire lit this morning, not needed by the weekend. a week later: the sky goes lavender on its way to dark. a week into february with open doors and a small fire in the heater. a week after that, i squoosh a few days into this: monday: the wind is singing a chilly song of february, slinging small stones and twigs and bits of leaves against the doors and windows. the glass creaks in protest and surrender, the cat twitches in her sleep, dreams disturbed almost to waking. the morning birds are silent. thursday: we are warm. flipflops, heaters off, windows open. the night sky clear. jingle bell cat a white presence in the darkness. i can't sleep and can't read.
my morning pages say more. i read my sloppy handwriting and see that i mentioned the sound of a woodpecker drilling into the top of the bat house, high in the hackberry tree. it echoed hollow and almost desperate across the yard. i see i wrote about the changing weather, the air colder than it looked, then suddenly warm. i wrote about empty canvases, told myself to write about now, not then or when, but found that hard to do and mentioned my still empty childhood dreams. the pages are full of emptiness.
february. northeast texas. anything can happen.
it's still winter, and i will be reminded of that, but right now we are rain and pink and the doors are still open, though barely barely. there are robins in puddles. last friday was sunshine and pink and warmth, the spring before spring, but the sun fell into night, once, twice, and by sunday we awoke to rain. paperwhites are blooming in huge fat bunches and if i stand in the middle of the street, there are tulip trees as far as i can see. i like to stand inside their branches when i take photographs - it feels like fairy tales.
the rain moves past, only for a while, and suddenly the birds are loud songs in the trees.
songs of now.