last year's christmas wreath seems suddenly too tame. i am wanting wildness this season, overgrown-ness and unruliness. the emma tree has been gone for 2 christmases now, and i miss her imperfection, but her absence has awakened ideas in me long ignored. ideas that have nibbled at my ears and fingers, always there in small ways, but ignored the way you ignore a small pain - you just go on about your life and it eventually goes away or becomes a bigger pain and you then have to do something about it. me. there.
i am falling in love with the imperfection of autumn/almost winter, the way the leaves pile against the curbs and scatter across the walkways. the way they are raked clean on tuesday but wednesday morning finds them back again, giggling at you as step outside the door. the way they fall like raindrops before the wind. the shadows they cast on the walls while doing so.
the sound of this morning's sleet against the front door.
all of these suddenly inspiration.
jingle bell cat still waits outside my kitchen window, at least on the warm mornings, the first face i see when i open the blinds. the other morning, however, he was pointed the other way, watching a bird in a tree, still, silent, then slowly moving across the yard to the broken down bench, and then, just like that, nonchalance, a stretch, a smile. he watched the leaves fall, and then turned to watch me taking pictures through the closed window and screen.
this morning, across the street, in and around the house that once was mary's, the christmas lights are off and the santa claus pictures thumbtacked to trees are a bit bedraggled from the rain. the red ribbon tied around the ginkgo droops; on the other hand, the silver garland wrapped around its twin trunks is a bit of brightness on this gray morning. next door, the catawba tree is now without leaves and i am tempted to climb up into it and glitter the ends of its naked limbs - glitter would then fall into the street with every breeze and follow the leaves into my house.
and that is the christmas decoration i am craving.