“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

12.04.2012

advent evening 4: the gift of moving forward


too busy to remember to take a picture today, i cheated.  

i swear i was gonna tell y'all, but there's a story that goes along with the cheating that i offer with my apology, and it's this: the age old truth that you can't go home again, or back again.  you move forward always and that is a gift.

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this image is from 3 decembers ago.  in my search for a picture to cheat with tonight, to decorate my page and my words, i first went back to the images of last december, and then to the images of the december before that, each year so different, each christmas  so different, even snow one christmas eve, and i remembered how i'd felt during those decembers, i, too, so different from the woman now typing these words.  in truth i'd felt it with this year's first advent post, felt it when i went back and read my 2010 advent posts, felt it and was sad - that woman seemed to see magic so much easier than this one.  i sensed a struggle as i wrote, felt myself pressuring myself to be that other woman again, but it's like falling out of love - when it's done, it's done; you can't get it back.  i moved forward and i kept writing, and yesterday i felt it give, felt something loosen, felt myself stop trying so hard;  i painted my toenails red in celebration and reached out to embrace this  christmas in flipflops, with an unburdened heart.  today i happened upon proof that i had indeed changed, and proof that it is more than all right.

the image at the top of this post is not the image i'd originally thought to publish all those years ago.  it is the image before that one.  i never published the other one, at least i don't think i did, i can't find  where i did, but it's really not important.  the important thing, the interesting  thing, is that not being able to go back thing, because, like i said, like a thousand more important and famous authors other than me have said, you're never the same person as you once were, and back is always so different when you try to get there.  this year i fell crazy in love with this  image, the one with a bit of those sheep showing, which i didn't like at all  3 decembers ago.  back then i liked the one with no painting peeping over the edge, liked just the wall and the lights -  i thought this  composition just wasn't working, thought the sheep were just in the way.  i was so wrong.  it is nothing  without those sheep.

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image taken at winnie & tulula's / athens, texas

11 comments:

  1. Well, I didn't know you three Christmases ago, so I have nothing to compare. What I do know is that the person that Im getting to know now is pretty damned great, and quite magical. Before I read one word of this post, I spent time looking at the picture, because it really appealed to me.

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  2. Forward really is the only direction.... And you are right, those sheep, peeking into this image, make it perfect, make it real, make their own magic.
    And I think all those memories, peeking back into who we are now, make their own magic, too. xoxo

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  3. Love the look back...and the celebration of now .. An unburdened heart is so perfect!

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  4. This photo is amazing. love the sheep - they make the photo peaceful to me.
    I did the same thing yesterday - looking back at past December photos - and noticing how things change. This year I celebrate Christmas as a married women - it will be different.
    Your post always cause pause to think - it's why i love it here.

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  5. i first saw the wall textures, then the wrought iron bed? piece. then the cedar tree, and
    finally the picture.
    none of us are who we were 3 Christmas' ago. Perhaps a good thing.
    in fondest. tilda

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  6. as i opened this advent window of yours, i squealed...not only becasue i am enamored of sheep, but more because the whole photo is gorgeous and totally up my alley.

    then, your words. no going back. being so different from a year ago and especially 3. wishing i was more attuned to magic, like i thought i used to be.

    but you assure me and you're right~ reaching to embrace what is with an unburdened heart is the new way of things. and it is all going to be alright.
    xoxoxoxoxo

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  7. Gorgeous. I LOVE this picture. There is so much - a feast for the eyes - for the senses - such a delight.

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  8. This is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Perfect. Here's to change and to you, Debi--always a beautiful and wondrous soul, no matter what. <3

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  9. How can you see that you are not a natural magic finder? True, we can't go back, but even in just these few posts I've read, there's magic. There is ALWAYS magic here. I don't think that will ever leave you. I don't think it can.

    (I still can't get over the flipflops thing)

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  10. Case in point.... do you see that little imperfect heart in the upper right corner of this image? It's kind of tilted sideways?
    Magic.

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