before i start this day - check that, it's already started.
take 2. before i move forward even further into this day, before this last bit of ohmygod heat sweats me and beats me and before i once again choose christmas carols, the colder the better, perhaps sting's winter songs, as the music to move by, to remind me there is cool air coming tomorrow, i say a happy little prayer. a gratitude for this week. for the tears-in-my-eyes laughter i found in unexpected places. for the rip somewhere in the wall that's kept me in for such a long while, fresh air pushing fast into the used up thoughts i have been breathing too long. inhale, indeed. inhaaaale. i talk too much about exhaling, about letting go. time to talk about moving on. which requires one last big exhale and then. tomorrow comes.
last night was shoes with pink flowers, a pearl anklet, a swirly skirt, and dancing in the balcony, lyle lovett on stage. i remembered life before. today is one last jeep load of stuff from my mother's house and i am done. i can feel her exhaling right along with me. pushing me out the door to the rest of my life. i love her for that.
i do wish she'd chosen another day, though - it will be 103 today. 85 tomorrow. when god is happy, he plays. i think he is happy.