“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

3.15.2012

the scintilla project. day 2. growing up.

sometimes supper is yogurt onion dip & celery sticks
with a kitkat bar for dessert.

just because.

because i have grown all the way up.
because my mailbox holds more bills than fun.
because right now at this very moment
i am sitting on a tennis ball acupressuring a very tense muscle
in my bigger-than-it-used-to-be behind.
because buying groceries makes me sigh and i put it off until the cat needs cat food.

because all that happened without my agreement.
because i never said okay.
i know i never signed anything.

well.
except for my driver's license.

i remember my first time driving alone in the desert, southern arizona summer monsoon.  lightning & freedom.  i remember.  maybe that was the moment i bartered my childhood away.  traded for the sky.  traded for the open road, even if the open road brought me back to a workaday job the next morning.  i would make that trade still today, because the worst of days is made all right if you remember to play.  

i don't own a stove
or nylons
or even a coffee table,
but i have boxes of paints and pencils and pastels of many colors;
next to my bed is a glow in the dark star
and last night,
after launching a prayer in the direction of venus,
fuzzy behind clouds full of wishes,
i fell asleep reading wind in the willows.

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the scintilla project.
day 2. when did you realize you were a grown up?

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16 comments:

  1. Love the poems. I, too refuse to be cast as one of the grown ups.

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  2. They thought they could trap you with that driver's license signature, but you certainly got the better bargain; there's freedom all over your face.

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  3. '... the worst of days is made all right if you remember to play.'

    Yes. A thousand times yes.

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  4. and still, i want to be you when i grow up :)

    we never do sign on for any of this do we? but you are also a caretaker of wonder... and through all the grownup bill paying and grocery buying and hard-life living, that remains.
    xoxo

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  5. What a beautiful post, I'll need to ask Kelly and Michael why they kept you all to themselves for so long. Thanks for this, it really is great.

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  6. I cannot get enough of you (and I was about to say "ma'am" but how could I?)

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  7. Isn't it fun to be able to eat what you want because you're a grown up now. My favorite thing is to have dessert for breakfast. :0)

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  8. i love YOU, your poetry is you, your stories are you, your heartache and joy are you. have i remembered to say i love YOU?
    xoxoxoxoox more exes and ooohhhhs than there is alotted space for them

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  9. i love what you do own and what you don't own. it goes against all logic. but then your logic, always, always makes perfect sense to me. and i agree, Kelly and Michael are secrets too long kept. you 3 are like my morning coffee.
    in fondest of thought, Tilda

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  10. There are so many lines in this that I want to pull out and drop in a little fabric colored box, tied with a piece of twine, and keep forever.

    I just love the way your thoughts play on the page.

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  11. I shopped today because the cat needed food for sure. Oh your words describe so many things about being grown up now. Sometimes it isn't easy, but then sometimes you can have that kitkat for dessert.

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  12. What a great question! I think I still realize it every day, a little bit at a time. Every now and again, I am struck by the fact that I am making my own decisions.

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  13. I don't think I ever did grow up, and the hundred crayons in my box bear witness to that fact.

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  14. I don't think I ever did grow up, and the hundred crayons in my box bear witness to that fact.

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  15. love this friend ... I am enjoying the project !!

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  16. Oh! You sparked an outside story...you know, from your other post, when I said I had no outside stories? The Wind in the Willows... I remember reading that at bedtime (as an adult) and feeling such comfort in that... in the words, the pictures... it made me feel safe. It made me feel comforted, like a child again. I remember much more detail than I can explain here. Such a simple thing really, but something I will always remember when I hear of that wonderful book.
    I do have outside stories... I just didn't notice. Thank you for that.

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come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .