you can tell a lot about the way i stand just by walking into my house. these unzippered lazy leaning boots sit right inside the doorway where i stop to shimmy my feet down to socks or bare feet - a gift left me by my mother, a gift that says shoes in the house make no sense, a gift that says get comfy, sprawl across the couch, you are home. cleaning her back porch last fall i found a pair of tennis shoes where she'd kicked them off, under a table; after all those months gone, she made me smile.
“Where you are is who you are.
The further inside you the place moves, the more your identity is intertwined with it.
Never casual, the choice of place is the choice of something you crave.”
~~~~~ Frances Mayes / Under the Tuscan Sun
last year was the year of the house. for me, my mother's house. i now know she understands my decision to not make it my home; in the same way her cat will never be mine, my mother's house would never be mine. the floors echo with her footsteps, not mine. i tried. i made plans. i pretended out loud and on paper. but no was always the word i heard when i stepped inside the door.
home stayed here. in this house with too low ceilings. in this house that floods now and again. in this house whose hall closet has no ceiling, the better for the squirrels to get inside. in this house. on this street. here for now, here for a while. i still long for my real home, wherever it may be, somewhere outside the city limit signs, but the time to go has not yet arrived.
2012 is the year of home.
where do you feel most at home?
Not long ago, a question was posed to me~ where do you feel most at home?
I could not answer and the not answering squeezed my heart.
I realized my sense of home was shaky at best,
and in that realization deeper explanations could be found.
she set out to find an answer and discovered " . . . it was time to honor all aspects of home; my body as first home, my dwelling as second, the earth as third. In honoring that trinity I would finally and irrevocably come home to myself. And being at home with myself would transform my life." and thus an online course (and one day retreat) was born.
i am more than honored to be one of the instructors, and hope you'll join us.
details are here.