reverb 11: what i shoulda done more of

i walk on spinning stars.

what do you wish you had done more of in 2011?

reverb 11
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

slowed down

slowed d o w n

s l o w e d  d o w n.

s  l  o  w  e  d    d   o  w  n.

as slow as i was, it was too fast.
as behind as i am.
i have been late with rent, insurance, taxes, credit card payments,
late to work, late to sleep.
there are unwritten thank you cards 9 months down this busy road
my hand will not pick up the pen.
it is a year cluttered with
 unsent birthday wishes,
books not finished,
thank yous not said aloud,
i love yous dropped in my purse,
and when i finally find where my keys are,
i remember what i forgot to say.

i sit, unable to move, and it is too fast.

how did it get so late so soon?  it's night before it's afternoon.  december is here before it's june.
my goodness, how the time has flewn.
how did it get so late so soon?
                                         ~~~~~ dr. seuss


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sometimes life just blindsides you, you never saw it coming you will say, and you will mean it and it will be true and you will run, if only in your soul, and there you are, suddenly in the red queen's race, unable to keep up with the same place where once you stood.  you will watch it pass you by, and you will regret those years of no aerobics that maybe would've helped you to just stay even, staying even would feel fabulous right now, but it's too late and you are running and you are dropping things, things you know you will miss later; you will be looking for the scissors and have no idea where they are.

lily cat is lonely.  she crawls into my lap and wants to stay, wants me to curl onto the couch with her; remember last year? i can hear her thinking, but she knows that won't happen, so she crawls onto my lap at the end of the day and she gets comfortable and warm and grows heavy with contentment.  please stay, she says, please just stay and let's watch the silence of the street outside, the wind and streetlamps and those shadows, the ones we kept company with last year, they are all waiting to say hello, but she knows i won't, knows i cannot, not yet, walk away from the loneliness of my mother's cat, who is waiting at my house, not yet used to aloneness during the day, who needs to flee through the opened door into the night and back again, flying with joy and freedom.  

and so i run.

there is an ache in my side

and i can't breathe,

but there are clouds at the top of the hill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~