“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

11.01.2011

endings, beginnings, november


windshield reflection empty trees
cold air last year,
when i thought i knew what emptiness was.
when i thought i knew the feel of chill across my skin.

i knew so little.
little was enough.

november begins with leaves on the trees
and another funeral.
two more in truth.
i am getting good at this,
at the ordering of flowers,
at understanding no calla lilies anywhere,
at black dresses and high heels,
at hugs that hold back heartbreak,
at reading faces and waiting in silence.

i skirt around the edges of these deaths;
they are not my stories to tell.
my story is that the jeep needs washed
and i think i need stockings
and i should eat.
my story is that the year stays upside down,
shaking till it is all emptied out.
my story is a yard full of autumn birdsong and sunshine.
one leaf twirling down from the hackberry tree,
spinning into the creek,
and then another.
one at a time.

they don't seem unhappy about it.

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12 comments:

  1. Oh, my heart is with you honey...Sending love & all the sweet stories you can hold.

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  2. Your words are always so beautiful in sadness and happiness. I am sorry for your loss. I wish peace for you my friend.

    I have a new kitten to share on my latest post when you are feeling up to it.

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  3. Our stories are what we have to live, Beautiful Deb, their beauty, their joys and their sorrows.
    Wishing you light and love!

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  4. i worried about talking about this, worried that it would sound so all about me, when it is not about me at all. and that's hard; i write from where i stand, and this is where i have been for the past 2 or 3 days. so i wrote.

    i am fine. these are not my stories - they belong to others. my story is to just be there.

    xoxo

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  5. not all about you, but about you, about all of us, this is all of our stories.
    you make it all beautiful with your words, the grief, the sadness, the moving on that must happen for those that stay behind.

    what we know keeps shrinking as we get older, don't you think?

    hugs to you and the ever-wonderful.

    xoxo

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  6. and p.s. i am in love with this photo.

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  7. (((hugs))) and wishes for peace and happiness.

    that photo is mesmerising.

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  8. so sorry there is more death to deal with, but as I am told it is part of life. Definitely a part that we wish we didn't have to share in the sorrow of. I like that your life involves washing your jeep. I can't wait until you can once again feel the joy and be ready to paint that table.

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  9. i am standing with you as leaves and life twirl around us .. you write with such poetic simplicity today .. hushed here in my studio I take it in and hold it close to my heart....

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  10. sometimes, it is our job to just be there. to hold up the light or join in the tears. in the compost of this year lies your forthcoming bloom.

    i can see it already. xo

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  11. amen to what graciel said...
    Tilda

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  12. I'm always blown away by the depth you can convey in just a few seemingly simple sentences.
    One of your many many gifts.

    And this image... it is striking. And soft. And the perfect shade of you.

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