a piece of a part of a long ago painting, covered up, painted over. i have sketches like this everywhere, all these leaning houses,with open doors, houses that look like arrows pointing to the sky, and i seldom do anything about them, home home home so much an everybody theme that i feel a bit thief-like using it, and so i use that as an excuse and do nothing with them, or if i do, i gesso over them later and push them to the back of my worktable.
home. such a trigger. such a hard thing, when you no tengo home, or when the rules to the one you have are suddenly changed and it is no longer home, it is just a place you go to when you're sleepy, and you even try to figure out how to avoid that because it is just not home. you stop caring if the floors need mopped or the windows need washed; even if you are still there, you understand it is not yours, no matter the number of years shared, no matter the love still within the walls you have painted with happiness or as a soothing to grief, and my god, how sad a place it was when you moved in, and how contented you made it feel for a good long while. now you watch indifference move in because it isn't yours - you'd forgotten that, but it isn't, and that's neither here nor there, it's just the truth and such is life - and you set out to find another place and despite obstacles of money and time, you believe, you really do, deep down in your bones and your soul, that there is a place out there with your name on it, just waiting, and you know you will find it and you know you will bid this place goodbye and make yourself your own home.
all that to tell you about this.
graciel and i have a connection. we will accidentally blog about the same subject on the same days, or have the same ideas at the same time, and so, when she mentioned to me that she was going to work on an old dollhouse she had, i was not in the least surprised. i'd told the ever-wonderful michael just weeks earlier that i was considering building a dollhouse. nothing fancy, just using foam core, but i told him i thought it would help me with my this-is-not-my-house heartbreak, thought it would help if i put the desire and thoughts and wants out there into the universe. also, i thought it would be fun, and i thought the fun part would help with my perfectionism ism, would help me stop gessoing over so much; i thought it would help me move back into a place of play. turns out those were exactly graciel's reasons. and so, she said, let's do this thing. and let's invite kelly, who more and more has this connection thing with us also; she answers questions i have before i ever type them. and so we did, and so it is the three of us, little houses all in a row. eventually. the dollhouse project. there are no rules, we are all approaching this differently. i think mine will take all year - a room for each month. kelly's will be virtual. graciel is already full steam ahead into hers. no schedule - no rules. the rooms will represent different things for each of us, and we will see where these houses take us.
i have no picture to show you - january's room is not yet here.
it will be a few more days - i have things to do
and miles to go before i begin.
a journey before the journey.
and last, a note from graciel:
. . . . the lovely katie of into the woode wants to play along.
could there be more grown women
who need this kind of creative, perfection-crushing therapy?
could it be YOU?
would you like to come play with us
and chart your progress online?
do i here a giggle and a "yes'?
. . . stay tuned. perfection is walking the plank.