“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

11.02.2010

not empty now


november came in like november should, full of gray skies and rain, washing october away, washing away jack-o-lanterns and candy apples, washing away the yet-again rewatching of to kill of a mockingbird, bringing the longing for old holiday movies, bringing stores dressed in fairy lights and neon signs glowing in the chilly fog. it came in a day late, holding onto the feel of october for one night, but this morning it was november and it felt like fall. we drove through the storms and there was silence or the radio or the sound of the windshield wipers and the road kept us company and i thought.

yesterday morning i awoke to a surprise celebration of me and i still don't have the words for how that made me feel, how it so softly touched a place in my heart, that place right next to where maggie lives, that place that has ached for so long, been empty for so long, and i feel like the end of little women, when friedrich says to jo all i have to offer are my empty hands and she says not empty now. not empty now. the emptiness washed away.

it started with amy and blue cupcakes, and i haven't visited everywhere yet, still have no words, but i will find them. even if they are just thank you. for now, thank you all. namaste. bless you. i will find my way to you.

on the road yesterday morning an orange butterfly flew past the windshield, then orange leaves, that same feeling as last year, unable to tell which was butterfly, which was leaf. the old highway we drove held treasures to be photographed later. i will be back i told them, and when we neared dallas another orange butterfly flitted past the jeep. it was a perfect day.

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15 comments:

  1. An orange butterfly does indeed create a perfect day!

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  2. come see me, sister. i've got a wee cake for you....

    xxoo, graciel

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  3. the world can be such a really surreal place at times .. one minute we are sitting in a booth chatting away and the next we are not...glad you arrived safely back down the road ..

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  4. wow...what a dancing hangover i had this morning after all the celebrating we did yesterday :)
    xo

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  5. a perfect day. i am so glad it was perfect, and filled with friends and butterflies.

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  6. so glad the hands are not empty now. so glad to have been a tiny piece of the touching in that place in your heart, right next to Maggie.

    how beautiful sound orange butterflies and orange leaves ~ to return.

    angels be with you.
    xo

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  7. Such a beautiful post...I love the way you described November coming in... Your writing is beautiful. Just like you.

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  8. and now I am speechless and teary... I am so very glad you are not empty now. So very, very, unspeakably glad. And so glad that it is right next to Maggie.

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  9. That photograph perfectly captures November. And the image of an orange butterfly, & that spot next to the Maggie spot being filled, makes me so happy.
    Love you, Sister! <3

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  10. a perfect post. i am thankful for your friendship.

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  11. How lovely are your words, and your blog, and your photos. You have friends who are so proud of you, and I came to see who you were, to visit you by way of Wendy's recommendation. So pleased to greet you.

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  12. My heart leapt when I received an invitation from Amy to participate in celebrating you. The love that filled that email, the respect and friendship ~ I hardly have words to express how THAT felt.

    I can't even imagine what it would be like to see your own beautiful essence honoured in so many ways, 'out of the blue'.

    You and all drawn to you are some kind of special. That's for sure ...

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  13. ...so softly touched a place in your heart next to where Maggie lives....that just makes me beam inside....for you. That we could help fill that space with love is just so....well, it fills a little space in my heart too.

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come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .