“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

11.29.2010

it is the far end of the day

past the time when my shoes were still on; the lights of the emma tree are off and it is darker in the room, and if you asked me right now what my favorite medium was i would have to answer shadows, you should see the way the streetlamps are using shadows to paint those now-not-so-empty white canvasses propped against my new yellow walls, painting the walls themselves, painting the address on the glass door backwards against the walls, the curvy window bars nothing but shadows tossed in a soft helter skelter about the room.  to my right is an old wooden child's chair and a pale blue planter, both empty of anything but those shadows, and they stand next to the canvasses and that's the painting i want, that's the photograph i want, but i'm not good enough to catch it and it's too dark to sketch, and it becomes a private image i keep to myself.  i can give you only the words.

they come at me, these images, when i am not ready, when i am unprepared and tired, or they wake me from dreams and i write their words in the dark, finding them days later scribbled in a notebook half kicked under the bed, almost lost, almost undecipherable, but still alive, still breathing, more alive than i, and they are almost in tears asking to be written, to be painted, but they are more alive than i, and lately not so understanding.  lately they feel time running out.  i am a traitor, a deserter, and i walk away, i too, in tears, with no excuses.  my heart is too full.

across the room lilycat is watching the deserted night. 
i see nothing and she sees a leaf stir in the wind. 

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10 comments:

  1. shadows are a medium above any other .. anxiously yet quietly sharing them with you

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  2. Your words dance off the page and touch my soul...

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  3. What is the heart full of? Is it love? Then you are rich beyond measure. Pain? Then let some of it go and make room, even for the shadows, which give depth and feel.

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  4. you see nothing ?
    oh my sweet girl....you see so much more than most of us ever will or do.....

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  5. I find both comfort and fear in the shadows. :0)

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  6. you paint with your words, always. sometimes the shadows have a story to tell, but to hear it you have to just sit there and listen, the way a cat can see in the dark.

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  7. I am reminded of several fairy tales: a man whose shadow takes on a life of its own, another man who becomes king of the shadows. I am captured by silhouettes, the siblings of shadow, lately.

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  8. Yes...as I said before...you and shadows. A most beautiful combination.

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come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .