“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

6.29.2010

Maggie's Ashes

I will miss her come winter,
come the cold weather
and
rainy nights
and
iced over windows,
come the fire in the heater
and
piles of blankets on the couch.
I thought I would her miss her less by then,
but no.
No.
I see not.

Rain snuck in late this afternoon and it grew chilly at work; I read Edgar Sawtelle aloud to the ever-wonderful Michael when we finished for the day, read it wrapped in a summertime blanket of white, my toes snuggled warm against the sudden chill in the building; we are into the sad parts, and I read the funeral and it was time to go, and he was off and Lily cat rolled on her back, her belly needing scrunchled, and the rain was just barely out there but the gray was everywhere, and I headed home to loneliness, wanting to stay and snuggle on the couch and read to Lily - I have a copy of Anne of Green Gables tucked into my purse - but there were things to do and so home I came to the emptiness that still lives here, especially in this weather, a summer night rain that even Maggie would've given up to nestle next to me and watch bad tv, picture on, sound off, listening to the rain fall until we both fell asleep on the couch, that first moment of darkness when I'd turn off the tv the best.

The image above is by Michael,
art direction by me.
As I told someone else,
I just held her to my heart and closed my eyes.

18 comments:

  1. i listen to the summer rain here . and hear you.

    i have two boxes of ashes ...Zach and Bailey . friends forever.

    blessings friend

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  2. And she lives there, in your heart.
    The image is beautiful, filled with emotion, filled with heart.

    I have my dog's ashes, I had planned to spread them at our camp. I haven't been able to do it yet, it will be three years in July. Maybe this year I am ready.

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  3. I still have Sofia's ashes sitting quietly on the shelf. I still miss her, even though we've welcomed a darling new furry friend into our lives ...

    You never let them go, and they never leave you.

    Remember her fondly, and let yourself grieve in your own time. Picking up your loved one's ashes is hard; I know. I feel your sorrow and send you a kind hand-squeeze. Be well.

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  4. Awww, I'm sorry. We never forget our beloved pets. There's a hole in one's heart that only they can fill. But thank God, there's room in our hearts for more kitty love...

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  5. I don't know that it will help, but here is my story. I give it to you with love; to tell you that I understand, and I hear you.

    I had a cat once. His name was Precious. He came to us in his old age. He'd been a tom all his life; lived free and hunted hard. By the time he joined our family he was losing his teeth and his ability to hunt. And so he spent his old age cozy in our little one room home. He would give a single mew at the door to let us know when he wanted in or out. And so we all lived happily together for many months.

    One morning, Precious wasn't fast enough and a careless car hit him. The hurrying driver left him in the middle of the road for me to find. To this day, I have never cried as hard as I did just then.



    My father-in-law does not love cats. Not one bit. But he does love me. Papa tenderly carried my Precious home as I sobbed inconsolably. Much later, when I was quieter, he took my hand and led me outside. There was a fresh mound of dirt under the rose bushes. They were pink roses, I remember.

    My father-in-law said to me, "I thought you might like to think of him here; sleeping under the roses."



    I did.

    I still do.

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  6. Love you loving her; gone in body, forever home in your heart...

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  7. So sorry. Pets become a part of the family - a big part of us, our lives, and who we are. What a sweet tribute. The picture is unreal beautiful.

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss. The death of my own Latte weighs heavily on me right now. Her ashes will rest in the garden, near the bench.

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  9. Tears...
    Kari
    www.meadowviewfarmwi.blogspot.com

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  10. I hear you, dear heart. I have my Pepper's ashes in a special box inscribed with his name. Outside I have a dog-shaped custom ordered metal sign with his name on it. It's in the garden. I had The Garden Deva (Tulsa) make it for me three years ago when he died. They curl inside your heart and nestle there. It will hurt less, but not for awhile.
    Brenda

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  11. always in your heart, now too again in your hands....

    i have already planned to have sophie cremated when the day comes....

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  12. I love what Brenda said about them curling up inside your heart,and nestling there. You will hold your sweet Maggie there forever.

    Sending you much love,
    xo

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  13. Just before I came in here and sat down to read my fav blogs, I had taken a walk out by Jazz's grave, just beyond my garden... where the large carved slate heart sits with his name on it. I had him for 16 years. He's been gone for 2 years now, but I miss his company every day. Treasure the memories~ xxxVicki

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  14. beautiful image - strong and tender

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  15. There with you in spirit...

    Cassie's ashes rest on a shelf here, and I greet her every time I pass by, loving her always and thanking her for being a wise and loving companion for so many years. There is no forgetting, only love, and I hold on to the thought that somewhere beyond, she can feel me loving her.

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  16. i thought of you on tuesday, my heart tender, saying goodbye, letting go. you and your maggie, give me strength.
    xoxo

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  17. i always vow, when i lose one of my beloved animals,never to have another. you love them so much, they love you, but they can break your heart in two. my wonderful red dog, my constant companion here in africa, my sidekick during all my single days; had to put him down as he had a brain tumour. i planted a red shrub on his grave, and now the pot with this (now) large red bush goes with me everywhere. as does my red dog.

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  18. I love the way you are cradling Maggie's ashes in your hands. The soft colours (this colour, whenever I see it, I think of you), the gentleness.
    Such a tender post.
    xo

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