“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan


magic, happenstance, cherries & chocolate

this all-alone leaf, a sign from the gods to me.

it felt quite personal when i happened upon it many months ago, and i have kept it secret, an image i go to now and then, not sure yet what secret it holds, what it's telling me, or if it's just a gift, though i think not, i think it's part of a language i am learning, struggling to speak, to read, a language with no alphabet, no grammar, a language of life, of being, of seeing. this character seems to say stop & go at the same time, seems to say you will fall and something will catch you, the landing will be easier than you think.

i am at work, my new home for now, and this workadaddy week comes to a rainy end with lily on the arm of the loveseat, watching the empty street, the no-curtained windows open to the view here on the bad side of the edge of downtown, which is quite peaceful actually. almost no traffic, just the darkness, a train trestle less than a block away, and how perfect is that? as i typed those words the train's whistle sounded in the night; it runs on tracks behind the across-the-street building and will come into view as it passes beyond, any moment now, the barriers are lowered, red lights blinking a warning, painting the boxcars a red glow as they slide past. a rainy night, a train, another evening me no tengo home; i sit with a cat, not maggie, who has been gone a month now, but lily-who-is-not-maggie. which takes some getting used to when you keep looking for ghosts. tonight i wondered about the timing of the whole exterminating the house thing, the need for a place to sleep sending me here to my business, my office, this cat waiting here, growing accustomed to all nighters with me; i wondered if there is more at work here than meets my aggravation. am i here for her? am i here so she is here for me? or is it just as it appears? happenstance. the house needed exterminating, me so sensitive to the chemicals, me such a homebody, needing a safe place, in limbo, and so here to the business i run, my other safe place.

i believe in both.
happenstance & magic.
i am here in the night,
with those cherries i finally bought,
and the witch of blackbird pond,
and a dozy cat,
and dark chocolate peanut butter cups,
feeding my emotional health.

this little leaf was pointing me forward
when i found it
and stole its image.


  1. this is sublime writing, you know? it may be slightly sorrowful living, ah but you put it into such beautiful words.

  2. So beautiful!
    And it's all of it.
    As you so perfectly put it, recently: living as the map.

    *happy sigh* for cherries, chocolate, a good read & lily...

  3. I find my way to your words, stop & rest there. Leave & return. Leave & return.

  4. "you will fall and something will catch you, the landing will be easier than you think"
    That's the life I want to live. And I believe in both, magic and happenstance, and somehow that everything works out the way it is supposed to.
    Forward is the only direction that exists.
    And you know already how I feel about the peanut butter cups...

  5. happenstance... one of my favorite words.

    sounds like you are in a good place. so glad.

    and now, thanks to you, i want to leave my home and list of things to do so i can drive to trader joe's and get some dark chocolate peanut butter cups. i won't stop craving them unti i do.

  6. ah sweetie....feed that emotional health....sometimes it's the only thing that feels right....

    and i didn't realize you were such a homebody....me, too and it's painful when others can't appreciate that.

  7. hello from home ...from the leaf that points you there..you write of such a transition..take care

  8. I believe in happenstance and magic

    Me too. And grace. I believe in grace.

  9. Even though I can feel the pain between the lines of these beautiful writings, I can't help but feel so comforted by this imagery. You are creating a safe nest around yourself with these posts..can you see it?


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