Selfishness, Sleep & Keeping Secrets Secret

Oh. It's going to be one of those posts, where I thought I was going to talk about sleep and in fact, did talk about sleep for about 4 lines before deleting them all, talked about how babies sleep anywhere and anyhow, and suddenly I was talking about self-nurturing, yes, in 4 lines, all of that, and when I read it back to myself - I do that, you know, read everything out loud back to myself or Maggie, which is reason enough to share space with a cat or dog or bird or just any pet in general because then you're not talking to yourself, and I bet you read everything back out loud to yourself also, just to feel the rhythm of the lines, and I bet you do just like me and sway to that rhythm and you can just feel when it's right. I have a friend who teaches grammatical things to college students and she tells me that some writers and poets have a certain number of thises and thats, something besides syllables, I really stopped listening part way through our conversation, truth be told, because it was all academics, and apologies to teachers and professors everywhere, but truly, nothing bores me more than rules for writing or how it's done in the academic world, which isn't how it's done in the real world ever about anything, and I swear that's all they talk about, all those rules, and really, I also don't particularly care how some famous writer did it or maybe still does it, even if I like that writer - even if I love that writer - because it will ruin it for me, it will break the spell, it will be like knowing the magician's secrets. And I don't want to know the magician's secrets, I want it to stay magic, and I want it to stay theirs, and I want mine to stay mine, there's plenty enough to go around, and you see? This isn't about sleep or self-nurturing at all, I knew it was wrong when I began to read it out loud, but also because I knew the self-nurturing I was talking about was really selfishness, it really was, and yes, I believe it is perfectly okay to be selfish sometimes, but I think you should call it that and not pretend it is just self-nurturing. Do you think cats are apologetic about being selfish? Do you think Miss Maggie up there on that blue chair she has claimed for her own cares one whit that it used to be a place to put your drink? Do you think she even bats a sly green eye at the fact that she's been in my lap for 2 hours while I watch a movie, that I do this with no bathroom break, that my back begins to ache from staying in one position? No, no, she knows she is worth it, and she is, and it is up to me to accept it or not.

She was in this position when I finally got up this morning - she'd been meowing at me for a couple of hours, but I was selfish from pure mental exhaustion, and after seeing that she was okay, just wanting me up, I crawled back under the covers and slept and slept and I am supposed to be at work in 25 minutes but never mind, I am almost on schedule there except for the cleaning, and so here I sit typing away, cat now fed and outside in the springtime, selfish, selfish me. I will show up to work with hair that needs a shampoo and legs that need shaving but I will show up at work with some sleep under my belt. And it feels good.

yawnnnnnnn