“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

12.30.2009

Where I Stood

Welcoming the New Year
while remembering where I've stood this year.

In no particular order.

I stood next to the bed of a friend who lay dying, angry at the end for always coming, but angry only for me, relieved for her that it was almost done. I stood next to a friend twirling in wedding gowns, choosing the perfect one to spin her into a new chapter in her life, watching the laughter in her eyes, the flush on her cheeks. I stood in a bookstore with a magazine in my hand, a magazine in which I'd been published, and I wanted to dance like I was 9, I wanted to open it and show everyone near me and say me, me, see? I stood in my kitchen and cried from exhaustion, working on paintings for a show I dearly wanted, then I stood at that show and thought that no doubt it looked so easy to everyone there. I stood in my own shadow while Unravelling and reached for the sky, and the sky reached back. I stood every week at the veterinarian's office, cat in carrier, money in hand, a small price to pay for continued companionship. I stood in my neighborhood, in flowers dropped from trees in the spring, tiny white catawba blossoms, pink blooms from tulip trees, lavender wisteria; in the summer I stood in bare feet on fallen crepe myrtle blossoms of all colors and in the fall I stood ankle deep in golden ginkgo leaves. I stood outside dancing on a hot July 4th night and I stood outside on Christmas Eve afternoon surrounded by whirling snowflakes. I stood in green suede ballerina flats for the opening of a 2nd art show, a name tag on my shirt declaring me Artist. I stood under trees filled with owls and I stood under trees watching hawks. I stood at a school event, hand on my heart for the National Anthem, and watched those across from me refuse to stand and I felt a chill, a shiver down my spine. I stood under umbrellas through a neverending rainy autumn and I stood in the rain when umbrellas lay forgotten behind locked doors. I stood in flipflops, in shoes sewn of polka dots, in boots, in worn out Keds and tattered flats, in high heels that hurt if I wore hose, in high heels that didn't if I didn't. I stood under full moons and high noons, behind white rabbits and under Katie's blue lights, in showers and in front of mirrors and on two politically incorrect feet. I stood on my own and I leaned on friends. I stood in new places, on unfamiliar ground, and in a place called home. I stood in the beginnings of dreams and on red brick roads hot from the sun. I stood in places not of my choosing and I stood with fear, with loss, with my hands over my face hiding the tears. But I stood.

And now?
The new year comes bearing gifts.

Let us open them together and see what we will see.
surprises

10 comments:

  1. wow....wow....wow....this was amazing !
    what a brilliant post !

    and I'll stand with you while we head into 2010....yep, I'll be there !

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  2. I love the images of you placed in each scene, and how you described each feeling. I never thought about it that way - where I've stood. Beautiful post! You are a wonderful writer, and your words inspire me in so many different ways. I'm thankful for them.

    Many blessings to you and I wish you a Happy New Year :)

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  3. As always your words and images are just poignant and perfect my friend! I wish you much love, joy and prosperity in the new year~ xxx Vicki

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  4. ...you should be proud of where you stood!!! brillant writing...as always!! loved it!!

    here's to twenty ten!! happy new year!!

    robin.

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  5. well that is a priceless year of standing..wonder filled moments of life...so glad you shared it here

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  6. may i stand with you as we approach 2010?!
    xoxo

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  7. THE PERFECT PHOTO...which it seems is due course for you...and standing on another edge of wonderment. gorgeous, and congrats on publication!

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  8. Oh...you have 'summed up' our year so beautifully! Not that all events were beautiful-but the writing! Always knocks me over.

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  9. Oh! This post is amazing!
    You are such an incredible writer Debi. Your life is so full of richness and depth as you stand in these places, but constantly taking steps to other places as you embrace what newness comes to you.

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  10. wow.

    i had not been reading your blog yet, when you wrote this. i'm so glad you linked to it today. otherwise i might not have ever seen it.

    very moving.

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