The morning snuck in, foggy, foggy outside, but Maggie woke me and despite a temperature maybe in the 40s, I was outside in flipflops and a t-strap gown over pajama bottoms walking this block, my block, no one outside but me, taking pictures, saying a silent goodbye, until my toes grew cold and the goodbyes were finished. The street felt like a church, I felt I should kneel and say a prayer, place my hand on this ground and close my eyes and whisper a goodbye to the year that felt like a dream, the year I felt tossed about, so often unable to find my way, no map available, no way to find true north, no compass, no nothing.
I am plunging into the night.
I am navigating.
I have on my side only the stars.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery
And so a word chooses me in time for the new year.
–verb (used with object)
1. to move on, over, or through
2. to direct or manage (something) on its course.
3. to ascertain or plot and control the course or position of (something).
4. to pass over (something).
5. to walk or find one's way on, in, or across.
–verb (used without object)
6. to direct or manage something on its course.
7. to walk or find one's way.
8. to travel
To walk or find one's way. To chart a course.
So much we cannot control. But so much we can. Last year threw me from one emotion to another, buffeted me about, and I allowed it. This year I have a compass and I will learn to read the stars. And when thrown off course I will still know where I am.
happy happy 2010