It is over at last, this season I shouldn't be so happy to see gone, but the truth be the truth, and it was a hard autumn, and I don't even know if technically we are into winter yet, but that just illustrates the toughness of these past few months. The last of the gifts are gone - no, there is still one, I just remembered - but the craziness is gone and 2010 is visible from the front door. It's still blurry, still at a distance, but it holds promises and surprises and hopefully a better mood and begins with a blue moon; a good sign, that blue, at least for me.
I dreamed of Arizona last night - I dreamed I was back, on a trip with blogging friends; I heard my name called and turning around, I saw Soozi, an old high school friend, and off I went with her to relive old times. She was a writer, she said, and we drove to her house, the living room painted dark pink, yellow light from a lamp casting an orange circle behind it. We cried and cried to see each other again, and the dream seemed to go on forever. I think of her a lot, she is one of those images that stay in my mind without thinking, I see her standing in our high school courtyard, black top, gypsy skirt, knitted orange cap over curly, curly hair. It is a faded image, but I see it nonetheless. I don't know why I am even mentioning it, but the dream stays in my head this morning, a dream of warmth, of friendships old and new, a dream full of the Arizona sky. Perhaps in looking forward, I look back also, perhaps it is a goodbye. I have made a decision - I laugh at what a hard decision it has been - to buy a new address book, to keep the old one in a drawer, the one with Soozi's number, the one full of my past, full of numbers no longer needed or wanted, full of memories good and bad. A beginning of a new life, the past still with me, making me who I am, but behind me. Clean pages awaiting; the new year seems like a good time to begin.
this past week, i have learned that phones lose information