“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

12.13.2009

A Chair Inside the Door

This is not my couch, but let's pretend.
It's a bit of loveliness from Winnie & Tulula's
and
it looks like comfort.
I wanted wings for this year.
This coming year I think I need a new nest,
even if it's in the same spot.

I keep dropping dishes and breaking them and surely, I think, that means something, me who reads something into everything, surely it is a sign - if only I knew the language I would know what it is telling me, but I don't and the dishes keep breaking, and I toss the pieces out, not wanting the memories of broken things cluttering up my nest, keep thinking of Chocolat, poor Anouk breaking the urn holding her grandmother's ashes, Vienne finally tossing them into the North wind, finding freedom. What should I toss, I wonder, how to feather this nest to make it feel new, so much I love here, so much history, so few new things wanted, but feeling changes in whatever wind blows by, knowing I need to do more than rearrange the furniture, though, of course, that is my first move, often made throughout the year, nothing new there. Do I start with the bedroom closet, saying goodbye at last to clothes that no longer fit me, though I have lost some weight this last month, or with the silverware drawer, which holds no silver? January always begins with the purge of magazines, but I have purchased less this year, and tossed most already, down to mostly the few I cannot let go, but the house is a mess, cluttered beyond its usual messiness, - we will soon be slowed down at work; I can catch my breath, find some energy, clean both home and business, and I feel antsy to get there, to begin. But after the cleaning, then what? I know, I should wait until cleaning has actually been accomplished, but I can't help looking forward to inventing more studio space, to pushing forward with other ideas I have dancing around in my head.

I will start with more flowers, just the $3.00 bouquets from the grocery store until the neighborhood starts to blossom again. This morning that seems far away, fog laying on the brick streets, bare branches my view now. Wet leaves still driving me crazy, tracked into the house no matter what measures I try to stop them - I told a friend yesterday that yes, we take off our shoes asap inside the front door, but when you are as old as I am, you cannot get that left boot off without hopping to a chair, and leaves fall off during that hop.

So. A chair inside the door.
See how easy that was?
Well, the idea was easy.
It will require logistical miracles to accomplish,
but I like that challenge.

8 comments:

  1. Somehow, it is comforting to listen in on your journey through life. The changes pushing at you, the growth, no matter how difficult and painful... It makes me feel more at home with myself and the universe, knowing that someone else goes through similar things. It is also reassuring, because I see so much beauty in you and can hope I will get there someday too.

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  2. IT is totally doable. A chair. I love it. I'm sure you will choose a wacky whimsical one. If not that then you will find one at Goodwill and reupholster it yourself in fabbie fabrics.

    I must be on the same page as you because I too am nesting, fluffing, tidying & tossing. I'll follow your cue to toss magazines, love that one. I just finished with the linen closet. Old towels, ripped towels, mismatched linens and general junk has made its way to the trash. All the towels neatly folded.

    However, now I have no energy for what I really wanted to do. At least something got done.

    Enjoy the process, it will all wait patiently for you to decide where you will begin. xoxo

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  3. Breaking plates= breaking ties to the past, I think. The ties are in your own mind, you know the ones that have proclaimed for too long your illusionary smallness.

    Break out, break open, break free. Dare to acknowledge your own beauty madly and wildly to yourself.

    ...after you've purged and rested, of course.

    And still, I am in the same boat as you. :)

    Love, Graciel

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  4. Now you know there's nothing I like better than to rearrange and organize and pretty things up! So all you have to do is yell or send emails of pics or holler, and I'll come help or oblige any way you want. Unless you were only writing in a rhetorical fashion, that is!
    Brenda

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  6. I know how you feel about needing a new nest. I seem to have been needing a lot of new things in my life. Thank you for your beauty and your light.

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  7. yes yes and yes! I love your ideas and thoughts..on a steadying chair

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  8. Sounds as though you are shedding an old skin, as your new and tender one emerges.

    My mom came to visit me last weekend and we found ourselves haunting every bookstore in town...she bought this big book full of creative homes that people have built. As I was thumbing through it, I caught sight of one little picture in the corner of a page that made me literally gasp out loud. I said to myself, "Debi has to see this!" ...it was a picture of the inside of a home, or studio (I couldn't tell) but it had the most beautiful twisted gorgeous gigantic old tree growing right through the middle of it! They built a higher loft inside this room, as high as the upper branches of the tree so when you stood up there, you could look down over the room as though you had just climbed it. Oh my gosh..I immediately thought of you and wanted to scan the picture and send it to you, but it was quite small, and I ran out of time before my mom left town, taking the book with her.
    I will have to borrow it from her sometime so I can send the image to you.
    Dreams made possible! xo

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come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .