“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

9.28.2009

Autumn sneaks in & my house of dreams

I am watching Under the Tuscan Sun, kept company by 2 raccoons peering in at me through my front glass doors, scrabbling for bits & pieces of green pecans thrown down from the trees by the naughty squirrels who live in our yard; Maggie is asleep in her basket right here on the other side of that door, in dreamland, oblivious to the scamperings just a few inches away.

Tonight it feels like fall - I had a long massage and it was dark when I left; the first time since winter. I drove home in silence - no radio, no music, just the peace of relaxed muscles and soul - and wanted nothing but candlelight when I arrived. A shower by candlelight; I lit a few around the house and stood under the hot water, feeling my muscles let go even more, thinking not of where I was, but of the house of my dreams.

It is a real house - it stands on the shore of a small lake about 40 minutes away and I call it Herman's house. It once belonged to a friend of ours & I still call it by his name, though he has died and left it behind. It is small, and I haven't been inside for years and years and probably remember it all wrong, but nevertheless, it is the house I want, and I have absolute faith that the day will come when I will have enough money and it will be for sale again. There is a fireplace in the bedroom and it's designed awkwardly - a teeny tiny living room with a staircase that I remember as crooked and fairy-tale like, and you walk through the kitchen to get to the indoor "porch" that overlooks the deck and they both overlook the lake, and even though I have never even been up the stairs, I think about this house in my dreams. When I saw it for the first time I remember thinking if this were mine I would take that little wall down and I would do this and I would do that - not unusual thoughts for me; I redecorate houses in my head all the time - but this one has stayed with me. I still fantasize it is mine.

So I stood in the shower surrounded by hot water and candlelight and thought of my dreams and thought of how brave I would become if I had that house - thought of who I would invite over, and how we would watch the sun set on the lake, how we would watch 4th of July fireworks from the water, because of course I would have a boat, and I thought of all the possibilities that house would open up, which is a lot of pressure to lay on a poor little house, but I think it would be up to helping me. I think it is waiting for the chance.

And now the movie is ending and she is wearing that gorgeous orange dress at the wedding and the old man is putting red/orange flowers in the niche in her wall, and he finally, finally touches his hat to acknowledge her, and I realize this house in Tuscany which was the house of her dreams brought her bravery and happiness, so anything is possible.

Even courage.
Perhaps the key to courage is shaped like Herman's house.
i believe

9 comments:

  1. I love this! I redo rooms in my head all the time, sometimes they get done....sometimes not. But the fact that you have the dream is important. If I ever win the lottery, you will have the money. Love ya!

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  2. i am always amazed when posts bring tears to my eyes...it sounds like a dream that could come true

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  3. Why is it that dwellings hold such a mystical attraction to our moods. Mine is a log or unpainted cabin in the woods. Nice reading this morning. I still would like, if possible, to acquire the "Tree at Lake Tyler" that I had mentioned in earlier post

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  4. Oh, I love that movie!

    I have a dream house too, that is real. It is right next door to the house I first lived in when I moved to Victoria 9 years ago. I have always loved it, and even got the chance to live in it for a few days when the owners asked me to catsit. I dreamed and dreamed when I was in that little house....how I would decorate it, where I would put my furniture, what colours I would paint the walls....and actually the house is so perfect, there isn't much I would change!
    One day...one day they will sell..and maybe, if I dream and keep dreaming, I will be able to afford that little house.

    xoxo

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  5. it is your house

    it is finding it's way to you

    and will demand to see paint chips

    trust me

    have faith in your dreams:)

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  6. I just wrote to you about feeling we were kin. My thoughts after that comment were that what I really wanted was to watch "Under the Tuscan Sun". I told myself to not get started on a movie just yet - there's still laundry waiting. To avoid laundry, I kept blogging. And then. Then, I read that you are watching the same movie. Is it silly that this kind of synchronicity gives me the delighted shivers?

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  7. Oh, to visit that place - to ACTUALLY sit under the Tuscan sun... *sigh...

    love to you,
    (((hugs))),
    me

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  8. Anything is possible, yes. My mother always said that "when there is a will, there is a way".
    Thanks for taking me there with you! What a gift you have, m'dear!

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  9. Just rented this movie, will watch it tomorrow...better be good!

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