“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

8.15.2009

I Reach for the Future

What am I reaching for?

I have been feeling lost here on this blog lately, a different person than the woman who was here last year. And I guess the truth is that I am a different person - things have happened this year to change me; I have felt that my poetry left with Mary, that my paintings were too exhausting, and so I have done nothing. Perhaps nothing is too strong a word - I have thought lots of thoughts. I have been taking myself too seriously and yet not seriously enough. I have not picked up a paintbrush since June, since my show. Enough is enough. So more changes are coming, good ones, or perhaps really I am just simplifying my life, returning here to my home, to Emma Tree - I've felt for so long that I have been just going through the motions, looking so hard for magic, when I know you can't find it that way, when I know magic is like a cat, and as you call & call, will just hide in the bushes, watching you, smirking at your frustration. Where to begin? With the little things. I am closing my gallery blog, and I am closing my inspiration blog. I am moving everything back here and I will figure it out as I go. Emma Tree may expand a bit, the site may change neighborhoods, but there will only be one site.

As for you, you wonderful people who have hung in here with me, I cannot express in mere words how appreciated you are, how much it means to me to know you come back here daily, even though I know you have surely sensed my floundering, my tiredness, my depression. I am breathing more deeply now, I am gathering my second wind. I am once again reaching out my hand, catching the magic.

thank you hope

13 comments:

  1. yes nothing is too strong a word from where i sit peering over the hedge. but then again it is about your own experience and i understand that it isn't about fair, or true or anything logical. sometimes it just is what it is.

    i am glad you are inhaling a deep breath so you can get a good second wind ;)

    "your welcome", says hope in response to your prayer.

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  2. As my son grew up he would have these cycles of growth. A period where it seemed he was stagnant, stuck, gathering in a tangle of new emotions, gaining weight, getting depressed. Then one day he would, seemingly over night, start to grow again, reaching a new level, sorting out his emotions, his body, his new place. I have come to realize we never stop doing that, the cycles...we just don't get taller, in inches at least.

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  3. Hang in there. We've all gone through the rocky roads.

    You'll be okay and back to normal in no time. Keep that chin up and focus on what is best for you, and want YOU want. Take care!

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  4. When you unfurl your sails, we will all sill be here!

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  5. that's what we do here...we will wait for you...we will pick up when needed...as a wonderful blog friend said to me..."that's what friends do" take all the time you need...we will be here.

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  6. Thank you everyone, Thank you! But I need to make clear - as I obviously didn't do; please forgive me - that I am here, going nowhere. There may be more changes coming as I figure how to integrate my gallery & inspiration blogs into this blog, but I will still be here, still blogging. I feel changes are needed, but they will be small, subtle - nothing big, I'm thinking. But now I must go - my front door is open & a raccoon is sticking his head inside the house, looking about. LOL! Thank you all!!!!

    :) Debi

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  7. when i come here i sense magic.

    sometimes it smells like ground rich in mulch, sometimes like the tiny scorchings left by fairy feet. always it makes me breath in deeply and reach towards my own.

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  8. i
    like
    it
    here
    ::
    catch
    your
    breath

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  9. I know what you mean... I have felt that way for a long time, hence my long absence from my own blog. Even now, coming back to it, I am still struggling with this. So much silence within me it seems stifling, and all I want to do is grow out of this awkward phase quickly. But it will come in its own time. Until then, I will do my best not to vanish again, and I will give you all the understanding and encouragement I can. There is magic in everything. Sometimes it hides, but it is always waiting to be seen.
    *hug*
    Amy

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  10. Thank you for sharing. I can so identify. I wrote on my blog last week about a text I received that simply read 'constipated happiness.' I am finding awareness and acceptance of things just as they are is the key toward movement, and from what you shared that is what you have found...awareness and acceptance. I look forward to your future posts.

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  11. I can't wait to see what comes...magic is always waiting around the corner...:-)

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  12. You are reaching out your hand to catch the magic, but I want you to know, that we are reaching, too. And, holding your hand securely in ours. Feeling full of love and affection.

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come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .