“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

8.23.2009

Hello. My name is Debi.

I will write,
using my intuition, my questioning,
my attention to details and things left unsaid,
to accomplish an awakening of courage,
and in doing so achieve my place in the world.

(an eye-opening answer from an Unravelling exercise)

I dance around so much in my life.
And not always the good kind of dancing.

I had my astrological chart plotted a couple of years ago, and it made me angry because I recognized the truth. You will argue, it said, you will argue like the world has never seen, you will argue the rightness of things, of ways, you will grab hold of truth and not let go. I hated that. I wanted it to say you will paint fabulous flowers and tell magical stories and live in a house overlooking water, and peace will be yours. But no, it said. You have word skills, it said. Use them. My mother always said I should have been a lawyer.

And then this book. Quote: "Your Style Statement defines your authentic self. It is a compass for making more powerful choices, a guide for designing a life that reflects your whole being. An anchor, a symbol, a mantra. A declaration, an affirmation, a reminder. You, fully expressed." Run out right now & buy this book. When you have worked your way through it, you will be left with 2 words - 2 words that are your style statement. Foundation word/Creative Edge word. The 80/20 principle - foundation being the "core of who you are, your essential self", creative edge being "what moves you forward". Foundation represents your being, creative edge is how you express & distinguish your being. Good enough. I am Sacred/Aware. I would love to be Creative/Sensual, but I am not - Sacred/Aware defines me perfectly. And I am okay with the sacred part, I like it, it feels like me. It's that aware part I hate. Oh, I get it, it's dead-on right, as accurate as Robert shooting 600 yards with no scope, which is damn accurate, but I hate it. Because it's the same thing. It makes life hard, it makes you unable to ignore things.

aware: acquainted, alert, alive, appraised, appreciative, apprehensive, apprised, attentive, au courant, awake, cognizant, conscious, cool, enlightened, familiar, groovy, grounded, heedful, hip, in the know, in the picture, informed, into, know the score, know what's what, know-how, knowing, latched on, mindful, on the beam, on to, perceptive, plugged in, receptive, savvy, sensible, sentient, sharp, tuned in, up on, wise, wise to, wised up, with it

It sounds wonderful, does it not? But it is awful. It means seeing the lies behind the words. It means sensing the truth of a matter even - especially - when it's politically incorrect to do so. And being politically incorrect in the world of art is just not done. Which I find odd and surprising, believing that artists should be seekers of the truth wherever they find it, should be questioners of authority - even authority they voted into office, should be explorers, should pay attention to the details, should read between the lines, should notice those things left unsaid, should trust their intuition. They should be discoverers. I try to be all. To be honest, and I am trying to be honest here, I am all. I am all that plus a believer in magic, in dreams. It is a hard place to stand.

Silence has been hard this summer. I feel sometimes that I stand at the door to this blog with my mouth taped shut and my hands tied behind my back; it was not accidental that I chose for my new banner a photo of me with no mouth. The Universe keeps telling me & telling me & telling me to speak, keeps sending signs & signals & wondering how long I will ignore her - I can no longer do so. So here's the deal, as the ever-wonderful Michael would say. There may be politics here on Emma Tree 2 - probably not, though I am leaving the door open. But even so, even if I never bring it up again, I want you to know me. I want you to remember when you are reading a little post about some bit of magic I have discovered that I am not a supporter of big government, that I am a conservative/Independent/almost Libertarian. It's up there in the top of this blog, under the Who I Am link, and that was something I posted last November, so most of you know that anyway. I have been appalled at the name calling this summer, ugly words hurled at people who disagree with the current administration, and then ugly words hurled back. It is inexcusable. It is time to know each other, to stop buying into the easiness of stereotypes and lies.

Someone once said to Gloria Steinem that she looked fabulous to be 50. She replied "This is what 50 looks like". A perfect response. Perfect. Preconceived notions begone. So. When you read my stories, my silly tales, my sadnesses, my poems, it is me saying to you "This is what conservatism/independence/almost-Libertarianism looks like." I want those stereotypes thrown out. We have to start somewhere. I start here.

I bow to the Universe.

12 comments:

  1. I still can not see the whole thing.....huh.

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  2. The Universe perhaps telling me I misunderstood? LOL! It's fine here, every scary word visible. Don't know rhat's up.

    :) Debi

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  3. anything, but please don't tape your mouth shut. :)

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  4. Sounds true to me. Let the chips fall as they may.

    And bravo. Let the truth shine forth.

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  5. I am in the same boat. I am also that rare creature, the conservative artist, and I have long been intimidated into silence by the vehemence of my creative circle's political views. For myself, I will remain quiet, but it is very good to know that there's at least one other conservative artist/writer out there.

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  6. And....I bow to you. Namaste, friend.

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  7. Thank you all. And Amy - there are more of us. I get emails all the time. :)

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  8. on the subject of aware it's a noun, it is an identity. it.s a burden. and sometimes it is an illness. i so understand this as a mixed blessing. i am what is often referred to in sarcastic..(read derogatory) terms as sensitive. which means a pain in the ass, a lunatic. a female. it was tiring to explains oneself all the time so one dayi i just threw up my hands and became a social worker. now aware is built into the job title and it works for everyone. imagine that!

    i love how direct and brave you are being.
    XO

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  9. what is it with this keyboard!!?? why is it that i end up looking like i can't spell or proofread!? i don't understand what is wrong with this thing. forgive my unique spelling, grammar, punctuation. i hope i make myself clear? i do proofread. scary.

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  10. and i bow to you sister. your words have power, your heart have power. it makes me want to fight injustice and dance beauty all at the same time*

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  11. Oh brave girl - I am proud of you for leaping. And awareness is a great way of being in the world, even when you sometimes feel overstimulated.

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  12. It strikes me that sacred and aware are both perfect words for you, burden or not. Now I am wondering what my words are. I'll have to find out. We can compare notes, my honest friend. I love it, by the way.

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come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .