“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

7.27.2009

You are Home, You are Safe

A visit to Katie's blue lights.

Still up.
:)
Probably still making all the neighbors roll their eyes at us.

They are a constant for me, like Field of Dreams said baseball was for America. This is an image from today to add to all the other images of these lights - the first image shows them nestled up to autumn leaves, awaiting Christmas. It's been that long, and though the neighborhood and my life have seen so many changes this year, though things feel so different, these lights are still there, saying you're home, you're okay, you're safe, you will be okay. Daily I feel as though I have lost half my territory, half my wandering grounds - Mary is gone and with her the freedom to roam her yard, her garden, to see the blue haze of flowers in the morning & run with my camera for close-ups. Gone is the freedom to wander in the night past the cannas & sweet olive tree, to wait for owls at the back of her driveway, to put my key in her back door when I needed a friend and chocolate. I took so much for granted. But it is gone and will not be back and so I turn to what is still here. These blue lights, the pear tree next to them, the cherry laurel.

Nothing is permanent, said the Buddha. Art is not eternal, said Ken Kesey. The blue lights will not be there forever, but they are there now. A reminder, as the movie says, of all that was once good. A part of my past, a part of my now. It has been a long letting go, this saying goodbye to a friend, and I am not yet done, but I am closer. If I were spelling goodbye I would be on the y, just the first part, the small slash.

I still have the E to go.
i am moving forward in baby steps, but moving forward

10 comments:

  1. i think i understand how you feel... despite how much i welcome changes into my life...in order to pursue my dreams, i know that they are important...but still, i need to hold on to something familiar from time to time - something of the past.

    sometimes i feel as if i am not me anymore...and that life has taken control everything instead of me taking control of life.

    usually...every time i feel this way, i will walk down the memory lane...taking a bus home...seeing places that once was important and holds meaning to me. somehow it helps to calm me a little.

    nice post...and hi, it's been awhile.

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  2. Saying goodbye
    is never done__
    the memories etch themselves
    where the weathering
    and rust
    do not touch.
    The period
    is always missing.

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  3. i just read mary's story ...i did not know...it is a hard chapter , i know

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  4. A hollow word within itself, but "thanks" for the blog this morning.

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  5. Perhaps they have run across one another in a way that we have not. That is a thought that I find somewhat comforting.

    I can't say much more right now.

    The photo is lovely.

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  6. Oh, Debi. Hang on to that E for a while. There is no rush.

    Thinking of you.

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  7. i love that you are still telling us about mary through your hello to your goodb\. the photograph i could just look and look at and never have enough of that deep, deep view of the blue spiraling ever upward into the tree tops. it is a beautiful image!
    XO

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  8. Robin - wait till you see it! We will stand under the lights & just look into the night sky! :)

    Relyn - Thank you. You are right, of course. And I owe you an email. Soon.

    Donna - How wonderful! I so hope so!! And PS - something is finally headed your way at last.
    Take care. An email is due you also. Also soon.

    Glenn - Thanks is never hollow. Thank you.

    jfrancis - I love this piece of poetry. Bless you.

    elk - I'm so glad you went back & read about her. She left in February, and I have been more affected than I'd thought I would, a struggle to get everything back in its proper place. You would have liked her.

    moonshin - Welcome back. I knew you were away; I checked in every once in a while. Thanks for this - you are right. Just a little something familiar.

    :) Debi

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  9. That's a great photo of our staircase, I love it!!!

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  10. I never tire of the blue lights, they are so magical and inviting. ( and may i say the rust on the iron staircase is like an inspired work of art)
    Linger a while on that y, the e will be there when you are ready.
    Love and Hugs
    Suvarna

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come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .