You are Home, You are Safe

A visit to Katie's blue lights.

Still up.

:)

Probably still making all the neighbors roll their eyes at us.

They are a constant for me, like Field of Dreams said baseball was for America. This is an image from today to add to all the other images of these lights - the first image shows them nestled up to autumn leaves, awaiting Christmas. It's been that long, and though the neighborhood and my life have seen so many changes this year, though things feel so different, these lights are still there, saying you're home, you're okay, you're safe, you will be okay. Daily I feel as though I have lost half my territory, half my wandering grounds - Mary is gone and with her the freedom to roam her yard, her garden, to see the blue haze of flowers in the morning & run with my camera for close-ups. Gone is the freedom to wander in the night past the cannas & sweet olive tree, to wait for owls at the back of her driveway, to put my key in her back door when I needed a friend and chocolate. I took so much for granted. But it is gone and will not be back and so I turn to what is still here. These blue lights, the pear tree next to them, the cherry laurel.

Nothing is permanent, said the Buddha. Art is not eternal, said Ken Kesey. The blue lights will not be there forever, but they are there now. A reminder, as the movie says, of all that was once good. A part of my past, a part of my now. It has been a long letting go, this saying goodbye to a friend, and I am not yet done, but I am closer. If I were spelling goodbye I would be on the y, just the first part, the small slash.

I still have the E to go.

i am moving forward in baby steps, but moving forward