“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

3.05.2009

It just be's that way sometimes

I just flat-out have the blues today.

I keep saying it's this or it's that and I keep trying to analyze it & figure it out & fix it, but the reality is that I just have the blues, and no new-age solution is gonna work. I just gotta let it be. Poor world that has to deal with me when I'm like this, for I am not a silent sufferer, but, like a fever, these blues just have to run their course. Feed them, starve them, whatever, they will be here until they just aren't, and I apologize right now to the lovely, lovely Katie, who tried to offer advice & help this morning, but I was just so snappy & negative, and this after last night - when she had shown me the enchantment of white pear blossom drops under her blue lights, looking exactly like the magic in my painting, leading a trail, drop by drop, up her spiral staircase. And I apologize to the ever-wonderful Michael, who is with me all day, and buys me lunch, and lets me eat all I want, and yet I stay all blue-y. I apologize to poor Maggie, whom I slightly yelled at this morning for waking me up too early, which won't matter at all after Sunday, when daylight savings time begins, because then she will be waking me up an hour later and will not even know it, cats paying attention to their own clock only.

They're those springtime, I wanna-run-away kind of blues - the kind where I ache all over & getting out of the Jeep seems an insurmountable task, requiring much moaning & groaning, and rubbing of my back before I can take a step, but at the very same time, they're those kind of blues that make me weary of the gorgeous blue walls here at work, making me want to paint them all white & silver & clean, clean, clean and bring in new wonderful plants & let them be the color. They're the blues that make me angry when I watch the news, but also the blues that make me want to just turn away & try to pay no attention, to look for reruns of The Bill Cosby Show.

But last night was a wonderful movie - Bottle Shock w/Alan Rickman - and Chocolat, which I thought I would watch last week, but didn't, is up next. Redbud trees are blooming, making me wonder why they are called that, being all magenta & purplish, and I just bought some kind of dark chocolate/orange peel organic chocolate bar, and I know this shall pass, but tonight I am wallowing in it. I am allowing - isn't it interesting that if you just add a W to allowing, it spells wallowing? - myself to be blue. I shall listen to Willy DeVille Live in Berlin, and I will sit under Katie's blue lights - I may follow that magical trail of pear blossoms into the blue darkness & see where it takes me.

If you understand, things are just as they are.
If you do not understand, things are just as they are. ~ zen quote
aka
It just be's that way sometimes. ~ the blues

13 comments:

  1. hi there.
    i'm running down with a fever too..plus a sorethroat and a runny nose...achooo!

    couldn't come up with anything new for the blog lately...my brain got disconnected because of the fever, i guess. lol!
    its awesome that you are still writing despite the blues and the fever...hope you get well soon!
    =)

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  2. I've had them too lately. Don't know quite has me feeling this way. Daily stresses. Living with another person. Finances. The world economy. I was going to say to you, grab for the chocolate with no remorse. No counting of the calories. I think it may be our salvation. That, and for me, Premarin.
    Brenda

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  3. oh! you've described how i've been feeling lately. wow. i thought it was because the dog next door barks all night and keeps me awake, but hm..maybe not.

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  4. Beautiful beautifully blue photo of the blues!! :)

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  5. Your post brings to mind Bob Dylan’s:
    “And when finally the bottom fell out
    I became withdrawn,
    The only thing I knew how to do
    Was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew,
    Tangled up in blue.”

    Nonetheless, when you eventually begin to feel like you’re in the mood for a lift-your-spirits kind of movie, you might want to try Amelie.

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  6. Yes, I think many of us are in the same battle or have succumbed.
    What an interesting insight on the word allowing and adding a 'w' to it.
    And, I too, have wondered why they are called redbuds when they are more like a dark pink. And then, Once the flowers are dropped, the name doesn't make any sense at all!
    But, the Robins are here and yesterday I got to witness little yellow-green finches flittering about!
    But the blues? They seemed to have pulled up a chair and made themselves at home here.

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  7. You're even beautiful in blue. Use that picture for the contest...you never know what will happen. Just remember that I am right there with you and I love you. Wallowing....I wasn't looking for a word for it but you seemed to have found one that fits perfectly. Yes, I am wallowing, watching HGTV.

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  8. The Alamo fell today, 173 years ago. Plus the idiocy in Washington is a bummer for the whole country. You might just be picking up the vibe.

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  9. robert?? thee robert? wow your blue is creating some excitement in the neighborhood. people love you that's why! they feel bad when you feel bad so of course they want you to feel better. and i hope you will soon dear, dear debi. but that self-portrait. girl that is some awesome looking blue eye shadow you are wearing! absolutely full of blue magic. enter into the contest (what contest?) that christy mentioned. how can you not win when you look like that. and who knows maybe you will win a trip to the bahamas!

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  10. Moonshin - Oh, I am just fine. It was never a fever - just them old blues. Hope you're better though?!

    Brenda - I would like to think the world's problems are part of this, but I'm afraid I have to admit it's a selfish blues thing. Of course, listening to the absurd political discourse, even if just in the background, doesn't help! LOL!

    Miz Katie - Thanks for visiting, and by the way, I LOVE your paintings! A dog barking all night would make me more than blue - I'd be in tears from lack of sleep & anger. Hang in there.

    Valaine - Oh, this this must me laugh. Beautiful blues!! Thank you!

    Clarissa - I tried to email you, but accidentally emailed myself at work. Yes, that's how it's been going lately! Amelie is one of my favorite all time movies & I actually own a copy, but it is way too cheery & wonderful when one is committed to just wallowing in one's misery. LOL! But now that I feel better, perhaps I will watch it again. It's been a while, and spring is just about here, so time to inject a bit of fun. Thanks for reminding me!

    Paula - Reading your post & seeing the blues sitting all comfortable in a chair reminded me of Steve Earle's song "My Old Friend the Blues". You should google it up & take a listen. I love Steve Earle. Not his politics so much, but he is a true artist when it comes to songwriting.

    Christy - Are you still wallowing? LOL! The contest you so wonderfully sent me details of, unfortunately, is for media I don't use exclusively. Pencils, markers, etc. But I am unbelievably flattered by the thought that you had such faith in me - truly! The good news is that I will be having a show here in town. One night only, probably late May or early June. More details later! It's exciting!

    Robert - The Fall of the Alamo. I heard Keith Olbermann last night saying snide things about something some politician said, comparing current day politics to the Alamo (I don't remember the details), but Keith so incorrectly referred to the people in the Alamo as "you mean, Americans??!!" and laughed at the idiocy of whoever he was talking about, while proving his own idiocy. "They weren't yet Americans - they were Texicans, you fool!", I informed the tv, but it's Keith Olbermann - one can't really expect accuracy. :)

    Robin - Yes, THE Robert. We are planning our own little revolution! And the contest is one I cannot win because I cannot enter - wrong media. But I will agree that this is some very magical blue eye shadow - LOL! - and the Bahamas sound pretty nice. I'm so glad you're back!

    :) Debi

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  11. "I've got the blues inside and outside my head"
    I thought of this when I read your most eloquent account of your blue day, and saw your beautiful self portrait, wow. No sense trying to run 'cause where ever you go there there you are. I hope your blues will not last too long.
    Hugs,
    Suvarna

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  12. I hope you are just a little less blue today, dear Debi.
    I came yesterday and followed your link to Bottle Shock and then got sidetracked and forgot to return!
    Did you watch Chocolat? I am reading The Lollipop Shoes right now, by Joanne Harris..it is the continuation of the story..I don't want it to end..full of magic. If you want some wonderful escapism, I highly recommend it.
    :)

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  13. Debi,

    I hope this late comment finds you feeling better. And, if not. I hope you are finding some small pleasure in your wallowing. I'm feeling itchy and antsy. Like a bulb about to burst out. Impatient, too. I'm not sure it's much better.

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