“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan


You are Here

You are here.

This is a torn-out page from an altered book I did a while back.
I really loved this page, but the rest of the book? Not so much.
The leaf is from my front yard,
which is just full of little arrows telling me where I am,
showing me where I should go.

This is imprinted in the concrete right outside my front door, pointing towards my house.

So I am here. No doubt about that.

It feels, however, as if the time is coming to move on. To let here be another place. But not too soon. I have reasons to be here now. Mary is here, and I cannot leave her. Maggie is here, and while she would come with me, she wouldn't like it. I want her last days, months, years, whatever, to be here. Mary wants to stay in her home until the end - I want the same for Maggie.

I think of how I came to be here 14 years ago - moving from the country into town. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer just a week before my move. It was a move I hadn't wanted to make - like Mary & Maggie, I like staying put. But things happened that summer & I reached the decision to move - agonized about it, visited my now-home several times & decided I could fix it up, decided I could paint the brown paneling & re-tile the kitchen, decided I could make a home. And in the end, it was the right decision - I moved on Labor Day weekend, and my father had surgery 2 days later. I was nearby for his final 2 years. The Universe moves in ways we don't understand, and it made sure I was here when I needed to be.

I'm feeling the tug to go, but I feel that tug at least once a year, and I can't tell that this tug is any different than the previous ones. Possibly. Possibly things just feel overwhelming, and maybe I just want to run away. It's a terrific neighborhood - there are many, many reasons to stay. And for now I will.

I will be here now.
I will always be here now.


  1. It is odd that you feel that tug yearly, isn't it? I wonder if you will ever know why. I like staying put too. When we moved intot he house we are in now, I announced that I will not move anymore because this property has everything we could want; it's a good size, the house is huge, the yard landscaped. It's a nice neighborhood.
    Perhaps the tug occurs because it almost has eveything you need...but not quite.

  2. I wonder when you will move.
    I understand the urge to do so and the need to stay. Sometimes they both happen for a while and then one day it is time to get up and go.

    Thanks for your response to a tree falling. Always lovely to hear that we desire similar things.

  3. it's so weird how thoughts of home and tugs of other places are simply swirling in the air right now, everywhere i turn. perhaps it's the turning of the season...

  4. This post speaks to me so much! I too, often feel the tug to go...but am staying put because I want to let my children grow up near their extended family...I want them to have the security and stablility that I didn't. I'm trusting there will be time to move later on...

    You are right...we are always where we need to be...even if we don't always see it that way...:)

    Your loved ones are truly blessed to have you in their lives...

    (and I LOVE that alter book page!)

  5. Those leaves really DO look like arrows! How wonderful :)

    I am such a *stay put* kind of girl too. I dream to own a little house of my own one day..with a cute little fence, a beautiful garden full of veggies and flowers and raspberries..a house that I can stay with for many years, making it my own.

    Beautiful post.

  6. For the first time in my life, I don't feel like moving anymore (which is kind of nice for a change). But I know what you mean. It does not take much to feel restless.

    I wonder, where would you move to? What are you looking for in that new place?

  7. beautiful post and one that i can definitely relate to.

    be here now.

    well said.

  8. Paula - Sometimes I know why. I just want more space, more privacy, a front porch, a view of the ocean . . . lol!

    Tammie - The time WILL come, but I know it's not now. An opportunity will present itself at just the right moment & I will know.

    Julie - Maybe it is the season. I should pay attention to that. Maybe it's the getting ready for holidays & wishing I had a bigger place to invite the family. Maybe it's because my birthday is in the autumn and as the years roll past, I feel the need to get moving with my life. Hmmm . . .

    Celeste - Thank you. I have friends who sometimes make me feel that staying for whatever obligations I perceive I have is silly, but I disagree with them. I think it's just who I am. I don't live in a vacuum - my life affects others, and I am grateful they want me near.

    Jaime - Yes indeedy. Although I admit that part of the backend of this particular leaf had broken off, which made it look more arrow-y. And I love your fantasy house. Me too. And I just love the thought of raspberries in the yard.

    Tango - I am looking for more space. More space. More space. More privacy. Different magic. Maybe cows next door. :)

    Bridgette - You CAN relate. I have the words Be Here Now laying on a shelf in my art "workspace". I try to do so.

    Thanks to all.
    :) Debi

  9. Does that tug arrive each October? Just wondering.

  10. Relyn - I think it arrives when things around the house need fixed. :)


come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .