“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

10.02.2008

You are Here


You are here.

This is a torn-out page from an altered book I did a while back.
I really loved this page, but the rest of the book? Not so much.
The leaf is from my front yard,
which is just full of little arrows telling me where I am,
showing me where I should go.

This is imprinted in the concrete right outside my front door, pointing towards my house.

So I am here. No doubt about that.

It feels, however, as if the time is coming to move on. To let here be another place. But not too soon. I have reasons to be here now. Mary is here, and I cannot leave her. Maggie is here, and while she would come with me, she wouldn't like it. I want her last days, months, years, whatever, to be here. Mary wants to stay in her home until the end - I want the same for Maggie.

I think of how I came to be here 14 years ago - moving from the country into town. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer just a week before my move. It was a move I hadn't wanted to make - like Mary & Maggie, I like staying put. But things happened that summer & I reached the decision to move - agonized about it, visited my now-home several times & decided I could fix it up, decided I could paint the brown paneling & re-tile the kitchen, decided I could make a home. And in the end, it was the right decision - I moved on Labor Day weekend, and my father had surgery 2 days later. I was nearby for his final 2 years. The Universe moves in ways we don't understand, and it made sure I was here when I needed to be.

I'm feeling the tug to go, but I feel that tug at least once a year, and I can't tell that this tug is any different than the previous ones. Possibly. Possibly things just feel overwhelming, and maybe I just want to run away. It's a terrific neighborhood - there are many, many reasons to stay. And for now I will.

I will be here now.
I will always be here now.

10 comments:

  1. It is odd that you feel that tug yearly, isn't it? I wonder if you will ever know why. I like staying put too. When we moved intot he house we are in now, I announced that I will not move anymore because this property has everything we could want; it's a good size, the house is huge, the yard landscaped. It's a nice neighborhood.
    Perhaps the tug occurs because it almost has eveything you need...but not quite.

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  2. I wonder when you will move.
    I understand the urge to do so and the need to stay. Sometimes they both happen for a while and then one day it is time to get up and go.

    Thanks for your response to a tree falling. Always lovely to hear that we desire similar things.

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  3. it's so weird how thoughts of home and tugs of other places are simply swirling in the air right now, everywhere i turn. perhaps it's the turning of the season...

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  4. This post speaks to me so much! I too, often feel the tug to go...but am staying put because I want to let my children grow up near their extended family...I want them to have the security and stablility that I didn't. I'm trusting there will be time to move later on...

    You are right...we are always where we need to be...even if we don't always see it that way...:)

    Your loved ones are truly blessed to have you in their lives...

    xo
    (and I LOVE that alter book page!)

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  5. Those leaves really DO look like arrows! How wonderful :)

    I am such a *stay put* kind of girl too. I dream to own a little house of my own one day..with a cute little fence, a beautiful garden full of veggies and flowers and raspberries..a house that I can stay with for many years, making it my own.

    Beautiful post.
    xo

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  6. For the first time in my life, I don't feel like moving anymore (which is kind of nice for a change). But I know what you mean. It does not take much to feel restless.

    I wonder, where would you move to? What are you looking for in that new place?

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  7. beautiful post and one that i can definitely relate to.

    be here now.

    well said.

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  8. Paula - Sometimes I know why. I just want more space, more privacy, a front porch, a view of the ocean . . . lol!

    Tammie - The time WILL come, but I know it's not now. An opportunity will present itself at just the right moment & I will know.

    Julie - Maybe it is the season. I should pay attention to that. Maybe it's the getting ready for holidays & wishing I had a bigger place to invite the family. Maybe it's because my birthday is in the autumn and as the years roll past, I feel the need to get moving with my life. Hmmm . . .

    Celeste - Thank you. I have friends who sometimes make me feel that staying for whatever obligations I perceive I have is silly, but I disagree with them. I think it's just who I am. I don't live in a vacuum - my life affects others, and I am grateful they want me near.

    Jaime - Yes indeedy. Although I admit that part of the backend of this particular leaf had broken off, which made it look more arrow-y. And I love your fantasy house. Me too. And I just love the thought of raspberries in the yard.

    Tango - I am looking for more space. More space. More space. More privacy. Different magic. Maybe cows next door. :)

    Bridgette - You CAN relate. I have the words Be Here Now laying on a shelf in my art "workspace". I try to do so.

    Thanks to all.
    :) Debi

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  9. Does that tug arrive each October? Just wondering.

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  10. Relyn - I think it arrives when things around the house need fixed. :)

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come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .