“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

8.25.2008

Keeping track of life

On the one hand, it was a good weekend to feel bad.
Not oh-God-I'm-fixin'-to-die-bad,
but just 1 degree above normal bad,
just enough fever to make me sleepy & achy -
just enough to make me grateful that some station was running back to back to back episodes of Lord of the Rings
& I could just lay on the couch & drink Dr Peppers & suck on sour Jolly Ranchers
& eat tuna salad sandwiches & watch Frodo & the boys.
I felt happy that there was something on t.v. besides the Democrats in Denver,
which, excuse me, I really didn't want to watch.
I was too sleepy-eyed to read & turned to the t.v. to keep me company.
The goofy thing is that the lovely, lovely Katie actually gave me a boxed set of the movie(s)
a couple of Christmases ago, and I can watch it (them?) anytime I want,
but it just felt nicer,
so much more like a gift from the Universe to just turn on the t.v. and there they were.
And I actually got in from the beginning,
so it was a nice long day of recuperating, of lusting over Rivendell,
of appreciating the sheer fantasy aspect of the film.

On the other hand, I didn't feel good, and it felt like I had too much to do.
Keeping an eye on Robert & Katie's Miss Kitty while they're in Maine
necessitated a quick paper plate sign by the front door so I wouldn't forget her.
Lily did get forgotten
(luckily I'd felt well enough Saturday to come in & leave her plenty of food & water),
Maggie no way could miss her vet's appointment on that same day,
so I managed that before the storm blew in.
Sideways rain & wind gusts that lulled me quickly into sleep during the afternoon.
I awoke late, feeling I'd neglected Mary,
but the chance that I was contagious kept me away all weekend.
I stole paper towels from Robert & Katie's house to avoid a trip to the store.
I ran the washer & dryer all day yesterday,
folding clothes & sheets & towels during commercials.
I checked in with my mother, Robert checked in with me,
I checked in with J.Y. when he showed up at Mary's yesterday evening,
I checked in with Lyndi-Linda, who's really sick & can't get a day off -
I watched her sitting on Mary's front porch, nodding off, needing sleep desperately.

Which made me wonder.
Did my body do this on purpose?
Make sure I had just enough fever to keep me slowed down, to keep me home,
to stop me for a little while?
Probably nothing contagious, probably just allergies and/or a sinus problem
(this is East Texas, allergy capital of the world),
but a couple of days of not being sure,
so that I could legitimately & without guilt (well, without much guilt) say no to people?
I think it's possible.
It was a hard week last week.
A lot of stuff to keep track of - not too much different than this week, but stressier.
I think my body may be wiser than I.
I may go home early today - I may sleep some more.
But the fever is gone, the achiness less, I feel better.
And Lily has forgiven me for deserting her yesterday.
But there's a lesson in here somewhere.
It's so easy to tell yourself to slow down, or to tell someone else to slow down,
but we all have so many obligations, so many places to be right now,
so many people to deal with, so many this & so much that.
It's difficult to put aside those obligations - sometimes it's impossible.
So we go & go & go until we just don't go anymore.
I was upset last week that the summer has gone by -
that school starts this week and once again, I had no vacation.
I got so little down time, and now we head into our busy season.
It felt so unfair.

So I wonder.
The mind/body connection is an amazing thing.
I think my body made sure I stayed at home & watched a movie that made me feel safe.
To try to get me ready for this week, then next week.
I think if my body had extra arms, it would give me a hug.
Maybe it did.

14 comments:

  1. "I think if my body had extra arms, it would give me a hug. Maybe it did."

    This sentence made me feel so much happier about staying at home tonight rather than going out*

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  2. our minds are an amazing thing! and perhaps sometimes they make us pause and reflect in one way or another...
    this was a delight to read.

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  3. Hele & Polona - If we'd let ourselves take care of ourselves, I think we'd always be okay. Thanks for understanding.

    And Hele - when you stay in, luxuriate in it. Coddle yourself.

    :) Debi

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  4. Lovely illustration - says so much about us all.

    (I came here from San's blog.)

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  5. David - Thanks for the visit & the kind words. It's a busy world we live in - we make sure of that. I sometimes think we should go back to the days when stores were closed on Sundays. Of course, I NEVER think this on a Sunday.

    :) Debi

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  6. I think I had a tad more severe version of what you had, but despite the fever and the complaining, I did enjoy just wallowing on the sofa and eating mac and cheese.

    I hope you are feeling better now and know that it's okay to take it easy, even if you don't have a fever. I know I'm not one to lecture. Sometimes I have to learn the hard way, too. But I hope you are feeling lots better.

    ps. We had a Miss Kitty, too. She was a stray tabby that we found in our garage. She was the smartest, coolest cat I ever met. Thanks for reminding me...just reading that name made me smile.

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  7. Tango _ I'm feeling much better, thank you! Hope you are too. Sometimes doing nothing is the best medicine.

    :) Debi

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  8. I'm glad to hear you're on the mend...and yes, doing nothing works wonders for many ailments. It's a hard thing to do, sometimes!

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  9. What better way to spend a hide-under-the-covers-day than with Frodo and the boys.
    I hope you are feeling better sweetie.

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  10. As I began to read, I feared the worst and was so relieved to find that it was the flu or a virus or just a nasty off day. I think human beings are amazing...why should I care about someone I have never heard of before today? Be well. Lovely post. Drop around to mine and visit a while.

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  11. Moannie - Thank you! I feel pretty flattered & will definitely be dropping by your place!

    :)Debi

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  12. So TRUE! So, TRUE! My favorite thing to tell people when they complain about being so busy and not slowing down to take care of themselves is that, "if YOU don't slow down, your body will MAKE you and then you won't like that!"

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  13. Paula - Our bodies are in the business of self-preservation, aren't they? And so often we just refuse to listen. Poor bodies. They must just get SO frustrated!

    :) Debi

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