“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

6.20.2008

Fun run


Yesterday I visited a blog that was so slick & so beautiful & so together & featured only the most professional of graphic designs & retouched photos & it was truly a pleasure to lay my eyes upon such wonderful images, but then I popped back here to my little place, and OH! I felt like the girl at the prom in a homemade dress, and not a particularly well made dress at that, one with too much lace & maybe part of the hem has come unstitched, and my hair is probably not staying in place - I have to keep brushing my bangs out of my eyes - and I'm not sure of the dance steps either; this is unfamiliar music. Should I even be here?, I wonder.

This is scary stuff, putting your silliness & hopes & dreams & crazy words right out there in front of everybody - it's like the poem of your soul. And you have to keep reminding yourself that poems don't always have to rhyme, that they don't even have to follow rules, iambic pentameter notwithstanding. This believing in yourself stuff is hard. It takes stamina - you need a good breakfast & a multi-vitamin to keep it up. It's a daily workout - you have to do it even if the rain falling today has no colors. Maybe instead of running a marathon today, you have to just walk a few blocks, maybe you have to fall back into the rhythm of one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other. And then maybe the joy begins to return - a few endorphins wiggle their way into your creative bloodstream, and you feel like you can walk a few more blocks, and soon you're jogging a little, and soon it's a little run, and maybe the rain has colors now, or maybe the sun has come out & you can see that the rain has caused a few buds on the trees, and new flowers to bloom. Maybe the terrain has leveled out a little & it doesn't feel like all uphill now. And yes, maybe you're jogging with all these people who are in better shape than you, who aren't breathing as hard, whose running shoes are more expensive, but maybe now you're not noticing them so much. Maybe now you're watching for new flowers.

10 comments:

  1. where would we be without challenges?
    i know those feelings of inadequacy but also the satisfaction when something finally works, even if only for me.
    thank you for making me think

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  2. P - I think the satisfaction we get is SO much greater than the angst & insecurity & that's why we keep on keepin' on. And maybe the challenges keep us young!

    :) Debi

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  3. I love home-made dresses and bangs in the eyes far more than designer wear and hair that seems to belong to a goddess.

    Why?

    Because homemade shows me soul
    unvarnished with someone else's gloss.
    It talks of local economies and a world free of global expectations.

    It makes me want to sit down
    in the middle of a field
    flat on my bum
    in the dirt
    and have a long conversation with you.

    The supermodel
    makes me feel
    like hiding my true self
    behind her mask.

    Your site is raw and true poetry

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  4. Hele - Wow! You are too kind. But I like it! :)

    Debi

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  5. You have a wonderful way with words,
    lovely descriptive words full of insight and truth.

    Yes it does take bravery and generosity of intimacy and vulnerability to share with the world through a blog. Amazing that we all do it.

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  6. Yes! It is the poetry of your soul...and such a vibrant beautiful soul you have.
    We are all so tender and vulnerable, aren't we? I'm so glad you share what you do, in such a real and honest way. We can all relate.

    Hugs to you.

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  7. How anyone can speak and think as eloquently as you do and make magical art pieces is a testiment to how truly remarkable and amazing a woman you are! You always seem to say what I'm thinking in a way that I never could. YOU GO GIRL ! I love it! Flowers are gorgeous, I need to get me one of those. Cereously : )

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  8. Tammie Lee, Jaime & Christy - We ARE all pretty brave to just put our hearts out there, knowing how easily they can hurt.

    (((Group hug right here!)))

    Love you all!
    Debi

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  9. oh i would like to get in on the hug...
    you won't be surprised (i don't think) to hear i can sooooooo relate to this comparing stuff and feeling like i am falling kinda short. that my jeans are too short, my shoes too flat and my hair toooo red. and then i can also rev up my engine of enthusiasm and confidence like you and stay in the middle of the stream. i love all that you write and share. it is a pure delight for me! if you were a perfect author, a perfect artist and wore perfect clothes i would feel fallen-crested or out of my league and i like it this way much better! perfectly natural! i love what hele had to offer :)

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  10. Robin - I don't think it's possible to have hair that's too red. :)

    You are in on the hug. We need to be here for each other because it IS hard to keep a happy face on all the time!

    Love, Debi

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