“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

5.25.2008

Prayers for Maggie - or Magic, the cat


This is a personal post. I guess they all are, really, but this one is for myself. Just as the flowers above are flowers I bought for myself. I am in curled into myself this weekend, taking care of myself, feeling intruded upon by others - even those whose arms are open to give me a hug. Even the act of reading feels invasive, the sound of music too loud. I need these days for me and Maggie.

Maggie the cat is sick again, and it appears that it may be serious. I spent yesterday morning at the vet's (again, thank you Dr. Alexander!), and she is scheduled for a sonogram Tuesday afternoon. She was 16 on May 4, and has spent her entire life with me, if you start counting from Independence Day, 1992. The ever-wonderful Michael brought her to me - she was born in the country, at his sister's house, on the day my cat Stella had died, and she looks just like Stella did. It was a very karmic thing, but no two cats could be more different. Stella never met a stranger - Maggie loves only me. (And Michael a little, and the lovely Katie a little.) Maggie doesn't even love other animals - as a matter of fact, she doesn't even like other animals. I'm it. It's just me & her, as far as she's concerned. She's been my best friend all this time - she knows when I'll be home from work, and waits for me in the middle of the driveway. Robert & Katie, who have a bird's-eye view of the yard, have told me that at a certain time every day, she meanders out there & sits & waits. (It's very touching, and it makes me feel quite guilty whenever I'm late.) She's always been a sitter. Even as a baby, she would just sit at the foot of the bed & look at me. Not bug me, not meow, not anything, Just sit. Just sit - how very Buddhist of her. She still does. In the kitchen, in front of a window, next to the tub when I'm taking a shower. She can sit for hours.

I'm writing these things NOW because I don't want to wait until she's gone to say them. In the hope that I can play a reverse karma game with God & the Universe. In the hope that she'll be okay & I won't be put into the situation to even think them, much less say them. It feels like almost more than I can bear. Yes, I know - she's just a cat. But like I said, she's my best friend. We've been living together all these years - she knows all my secrets. And I cannot bring myself to say these things out loud. I am just drawing a circle around the two of us & writing these magic words to ward off evil spirits. Once, when my niece Emma was very young, she asked me to draw a picture for her. I drew a cat & wrote "Maggie" at the top. Emma was just learning to read & she said "OH! Magic, the cat!"

She was right.


7 comments:

  1. I know what you are feeling. I nursed my dog back from death soo many times.. I will say a little prayer for you both. Susie H

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  2. It's such a difficult thing, isn't it? We love these animals with so much of our hearts, and they love us in turn, and trust that we will always be there...and we do this even when we know that one day we will have to let them go.
    Being a single girl who has had a furry companion most of my life, I resonate with this beautiful post very deeply. My heart is quietly with you. Your bond with Maggie is a beautiful thing, and that will never ever diminish. These hard days that you are going through..they are no match for the love you two share, and always will.
    I send you both healing thoughts.
    xoxo

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  3. oh there aren't words that i possess that really convey understanding for your sadness and feeling of imminent loss. i can only let you know that i so appreciate your post and that you deem us worthy of sharing your heart in such a intimate way. for loving an animal is in some ways the most private and public of things to do! i love my zippy very much. i can see you love your magic maggie very much. our pets deserve our deepest mourning when they leave. they have earned nothing less.
    xoxox

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  4. Praying for you and Maggie as well. And hoping that you ARE taking care of yourself. Love you and talk to you next week.

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  5. Bless you all. This IS hard & I hate it! I am hoping against hope that tomorrow will bring the news that it's not cancer, or even that if it is, it's operable.

    Thank you all so very, very much. It means more than you know to feel your thoughts with me.

    Love you all -
    Debi

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  6. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

    Hugs,
    Cookie

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  7. Cookie - That means a lot. Thanks.

    Love, Debi

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come. sit under the emma tree & let's talk. i have cookies . . .