“Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories.” ~ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

3.09.2008

Time & space

I've been feeling depressed & sorry for myself all day, with no good reason other than I need/want/have to have more time & more space for artmaking. This is part of my workspace. I don't even own a stove because it takes up too much precious space - paintings are strewn across the kitchen counters, the washer & dryer, propped against the walls & chairs in other rooms. It can make me crazy. I need this stuff to be visible & accessible, so I can see it & think & ponder & agonize & decide I hate it & paint over it, but at the same time, when I walk by unfinished stuff (of which I have LOTS!), I start feeling like a failure, a fraud. I mean, who am I fooling, I think, if I were a real artist this stuff would be complete, it would be on display somewhere, it would be sold. (Ask the lovely lovely Katie how long it took me to finish a painting for her - how many incarnations it went through, how her Rastafarian thief dream was painted over - but still lurks in the background - until one day I just KNEW what its real face looked like & it was completed within a couple of hours.) Today the chaos has been screaming rather loudly.

But I worked for a couple of hours anyway (aren't you proud of me?) while listening to/watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off, then the universe took pity on me & the ever-wonderful, very patient, generous ("It's all about the givin', baby") Michael called to take me to breakfast. Of course, the time change made us late & we ended up having hamburgers instead, but they were really good hamburgers & as for the time change? Thank you to whoever's responsible! More daylight & baseball just around the corner! I have survived yet another winter.

AND when I finally ripped yesterday's page from my Zen calendar, today's quote read: Chasing after fantasies is always a bad idea. Stick with reality. Reality's all you've got. But here's the real secret, the real miracle: It's enough. ~ Brad Warner

God is happy. He plays with me.

4 comments:

  1. Oh, bless you, I thought I was the only one who had people using her stdio for a kitchen! I like the quote, it is what I needed to hear to stop my incessant whining" I need a studio space!

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  2. Whine away - sometimes it helps!!!

    Thanks for making me feel not so alone in this - I have friends who DON"T make any kind of art who have studio space & sometimes I get a little jealous!

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  3. They don't make art and have studio space? That's just not right.... Oh, I love the flower on a ribbon picture and story!
    Oh, I know, maybe we could have a telethon to raise money for studio space??

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